My Dad Lost Thousands in a Romance Scam: How They Work and How to Protect Yourself

Editor’s note: In recognition of National Cybersecurity Awareness Month this October, we are publishing a series of blog posts dedicated to educating and informing you about cybersecurity practices. This is the sixth in a series of posts. Below, you can find a list of links to the rest of the series:

• What is a Pig Butchering Scam and How Do You Protect Yourself?
• 6 Conditional Access Policies You Should Turn on Now
• Tips for Running an Effective Cybersecurity Awareness Campaign
• What is Quishing and How Do You Protect Yourself?
• Early Warning Signs Your Employees Need to Look Out for and Report to IT
• NIST Releases New Password Rules: What Does It Mean for You?
• 7 Reasons Your Organization Needs Cybersecurity Insurance
• Why Does My Organization Need Cybersecurity Insurance and an MSP?
• Top 3 Cybersecurity Threats We Uncovered at GrrCon 2024
• Why Keeping a File with Passwords on Your Computer is a Terrible Idea
• How Do Passwords Get Hacked?
• What Happens When You Use the Phish Alert Button?
• Why Does Social Engineering Happen?

Catfishing has grown in popularity since the internet existed, and especially since social media has become more prevalent in our world.

Catfishing is when someone creates a fake online profile to trick others. They generally steal photos from real accounts and pretend to be someone they are not, hoping to dupe their victim into an online romantic relationship or to steal money from them.

While some people catfish without any malicious intent — simply looking for love or companionship — the trick, also known as a romance scam, has evolved to swindle thousands of victims out of billions of dollars.

My 72-year-old father fell for a romance scam in 2022.

He lost nearly $200,000, a large portion of my parents’ life savings, on a fake promise. To make matters worse, he still was married to my mother.

How Do Romance Scams Work?

Romance scams target individuals looking for love or companionship. In my dad’s case, he opened an account for an online dating website for seniors.

Knowing that a lot of lonely, old and probably not very technically savvy people with money in the bank will be visiting these sites, it’s the perfect place for attackers to create fake profiles to trick their victims.

My father believed he was communicating with a sergeant of the U.S. Army stationed in Russia who needed help getting gold bars shipped to the United States.

This “woman” needed money from my dad to acquire the gold bars that were “held up” in Germany.

Of course, the promise was once her deployment was over and she returned to the United States, they could live happily ever after together with their newly acquired riches.

My father told my mother of his plan to leave her behind, just months after she had her left leg amputated and one month before my wedding.

The gold bar story is just one example of how romance scams work. Romance scammers also say they need cash to apply for a “leave request” to visit the victim or they need money to pay for food and medical treatment during their deployment.

They also ask victims to send them care packages by wiring money through an official-looking (but fake) military website.

The FTC notes “servicemembers never have to pay to get packages, food, medical treatment or to take leave.”

The ultimate goal is to gain the trust and love of their victims, which clouds their judgment when sending money.

It’s similar to how phishing scams get you to act quickly so you’ll click that malicious link or log in to that fake website so attackers can steal your login credentials.

How Do You Protect Yourself and Your Loved Ones?

While these romance scams can target anyone regardless of age, they tend to be more successful on older individuals who aren’t as technically savvy in spotting these kinds of scams.

Not only do they work because the individuals are less technically savvy, but older people on dating websites are lonely, desperate for companionship and tend to have money saved.

My dad, despite being quite good with computers for someone his age and able to spot similar scams, didn’t see the warning signs or was too blinded by the promise of wealth and companionship to see clearly.

What are some of the signs to look out for?

Be skeptical of messages from strangers

These types of scams prey on vulnerable or lonely people who will do anything for human connection.

Even if you or your loved one was the first one to reach out, you never know who is on the other side, especially on dating websites, where many of these attacks begin.

It might seem like you’re making a genuine connection, but that’s how they gain your trust and exploit you later.

In my father’s case, it doesn’t make sense that a woman young enough to be an active military member would be on a senior dating website looking for love.

If they start professing their love for you too quickly or start asking for money early in the relationship, you should be on high alert.

Always meet in person or video chat

A romance scammer will always find an excuse to never show their face. Their internet connection is poor, their webcam is broken, they can’t do it for security reasons, etc. My father heard all these excuses and believed every one of them.

If every attempt to meet in person or video chat fails, it’s cause for concern.

Genuine connections want to see who they are communicating with. Romance scammers, on the other hand, will use fake or stolen photos to make you believe they are who they say they are.

Never send money to anyone you haven’t met in person

In our digital-first world where it’s never been easier to make purchases for any item you could ever want, you still must be cautious about sending money to someone you’ve never met in person.

Would you give a random person on the street hundreds or thousands of dollars if they told you about an investment opportunity?

Probably not.

So, just because you’ve exchanged personal messages with someone doesn’t mean they won’t try to scam you.

Don’t use peer-to-peer digital payment apps

Unlike traditional banks, many peer-to-peer (P2P) digital payment apps —like PayPal, Cash App, Venmo and Zelle — won’t cover you in case of fraud.

The Better Business Bureau recommends not sending money to companies or individuals who only allow you to pay with digital payment apps. It is, however, OK to use digital payment apps to transfer money to friends, family and other people you already know.

If you believe you have been scammed via a payment app, you should report it to the Federal Trade Commission, as well as the company of that payment app.

If you initiated a wire transfer to send money, you should contact the FBI immediately. The agency can stop wire transfers and help you recover your money within 72 hours.

Needless to say, this scam devastated our family.

It was something I never expected my dad to do, and it destroyed our relationship, which was never repaired before he died earlier this year.

I never thought I would publicly share this story, but if it’ll help another family avoid financial disaster, then it will be worth it.

Check up on your older loved ones, especially if they live by themselves or don’t get much family time.

Make sure they know what warning signs to look out for and what they can do to protect themselves.

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